So, it has been awhile. And I want to tell you all about my continued success on the eating plan, and post a couple recipes, and talk, at length, about how awesome I am. But, the thing is, it's Thanksgiving, and all the food is in the oven and/or on the stove, and I am waiting for The Magic Hour, and salivating all over myself, and the only thing I can do right now is talk turkey.
My Darling Grandmother learned to cook when she was 9, and that's about the age I was when she taught me to cook. I have many, lovely memories of being in the kitchen with my grandmother, helping prepare the holiday meal. As she has gotten a bit older, I've taken on more responsibility, and gone from just helping to Making Magic Happen. You know. Like ya do. Anyway, for the most part, my grandmother is a fount of culinary knowledge. She knows more stuff about cooking than Bobby Flay and That Douche Guy Fieri put together. She's a good cook. She cooks tasty food. The thing is: As much as I respect her mad kitchen fu, she and I differ when it comes to cooking the turkey.
If you ask me, and of course, you didn't, but! If you ask me, a turkey should be placed, uncovered, in a 350 degree oven. It should hang out in there until the thickest part of the thigh's temperature is 160. After the turkey has been in the oven long enough to be brown and sexy, put a lid on it, so it doesn't over brown and/or dry out. This is not how my grandmother roasts a turkey. Oh, no. My grandmother puts the turkey in a 300 degree oven, covered, and leaves it in there for about six and a half years, or until it's DRY AS EVER-LOVING FARK.
Over the last couple of years, we've begun to do the following dance at Christmas and Thanksgiving:
Me: Say, dontcha think we should uncover the bird so it can brown up?
Meme: Not yet.
Me: Say, dontcha think we should check the bird's temp? We don't want it to dry out.
Meme: Not yet.
Me: *sneaks in to kitchen, takes bird's temp, discovers that it's DRY AS EVER-LOVING FARK, finds a baboon, punches it*
You see my conundrum? But this year, I am determined to succeed. Soon, Meme will take a nap. And, by god, I *will* save the turkey!
Happy Thanksgiving, ya'll. I'm going to celebrate by eating all the carbs I see. I promise to write more later. Ok, I don't, but I'll either wrote more later or not. Promise!
